Day 15 - How to Make the Most Your Days

This past weekend I spent time away with my parents and Courtney in Lake George, NY. Other than an occasional Instagram post, I completely shut off – it was much needed and helped me focus and clarify where I am going with The Niche Movement. With that said, as I spent time with my parents, I continue to observe the importance of having really great family around you. Like I mentioned in a few of my previous posts, I am an only child, but was lucky to be surrounded by several great cousins that treated me like their little brother. One of them I am introducing into the "How I Found My Niche" series is my cousin Jennifer O’Connell Caputo.

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As the youngest cousin, I always looked up to Jen like a big sister. Jen was always a great athlete especially, in field hockey. I played a lot of sports growing up like , soccer and golf and I always tried to excel as much as possible since Jen became a star athlete in her high school and went onto to play field hockey at Rutgers University her first year of college.

Jen went on to graduate from Rutgers with a degree in psychology and landed a great job with a consulting company as a HR recruiter.  A few years later, I was in college and started to see Jen build a great future for herself. Her hard work and talent started to pay off and was promoted several times. She also met her husband Kevin at work and got married in August of 2003.

Believe it or not, the first (un)official date for Courtney and I was at Jen and Kevin’s wedding.

As I became more involved at FDU and started to build my “resume” to prepare myself for the real world, I was always able to turn to Jen for advice. Throughout my early twenties I turned to Jen for advice on jobs, interviewing, relationships, and family advice. Aside from Jen’s caring personality, one of her best skill sets that I admire most, is her ability to connect with anyone around her and start a conversation and keep it going.

As I have grown older, I still look up to Jen for several other reasons. She has a wonderful family - 7 year old twins, Joey & Addy.  She stays active by taking cross fit classes at 5:30 every morning and runs occasional GORUCK and mud runs. And she still works full time for the same company she started with after college. The reason I mention all of this is because I know Jen leads a busy life. However, the reason I look up to her today, is that she makes the most of her days. She makes time for her family, friends, and manages a hectic life of work and raising twins, all while having a successful career.

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When I look back, here are just a few ways Jen has always been there:

- supporting our fundraising efforts when I ran our first Habitat for Humanity trip in 2006.

- as a bridesmaid to Courtney in for our wedding in May 2010.

- to celebrate our house warming party in June 2010.

- to set up meetings with her company as Courtney and I launch our own projects in our careers.

- to throw some of the best family gathering and parties I've ever attended.

The last shoutout I have to mention is that Jen also organized a Hurricane Sandy Relief fund and raised thousands of dollars and collected 10,000+ toys in a matter of 4 weeks to donate to the community of Seaside Heights and the surrounding districts. All while taking care of her day to day responsibilities mentioned above.

She is truly an amazing person.

Thank you for everything Jen.

What they taught me:

As I get older, the time spent with family and close friends starts to become more precious and valued. Just like my cousin Jen, I am trying to live my life to the fullest and become successful while still making time for my family and friends that are near to Courtney and I. She has taught me that it is ok to be “busy” but when you are with your family (especially, parents) to shut off and be in the moment with them. It's something you will never get back, trust me.

How they inspired me:

Jen has inspired me (and Courtney) to set the bar high for yourself. Hard work does pay off but she has always instilled in me to have your work respected and receive what you are worth.

#Nichetip

The closer you get to finding your niche, the more your career may pull you away from what really matters - your friends and family. It is important that you make time for those around you and that when you are in the moment, to be present.

Day 14 - What Can Happen When People Believe in Your Vision

During my first few years, fellow student affairs colleagues described the feeling:  seeing your closet student leaders graduate college. I didn’t know what that felt like because I was only at Centenary just shy of two years. It wasn’t until May 2010 when that feeling hit when one of our student leaders Dana Wise graduated from Rutgers.  I would now describe it as joy, happiness, and even some sadness (especially when they don’t return in August).

Let me explain how I got to this moment:

When I started at Rutgers, one of my main initiatives was to create and expand the community out of the Livingston Recreation Center. Sure, it was easy to promote intramurals, recruit refs, and lead the 8-10 student directors that got paid to work for our department. The real challenge (even though it didn’t feel like it) was too create a volunteer advisory council. Week in and week out I observed the staff that worked in the building from front desk to fitness assistants to intramural officials to see what students would be the best to start this council. I slowly started observing a few students, Dana Wise, Carlos Correa, and Tara Curran to be exact, because they loved being around our recreation center (aka Livi Rec).

I started up conversations to find out more about them, slowly work in what I was trying to start and see if they would buy-in. The easiest sell was Dana because we found out we both grew up in the same part of NJ - in Sussex County. As weeks went on, Dana, Tara, and Carlos started to help me build this community even though they didn’t work directly for me. They saw my vision, they cared about the other students, and were ready to make a difference.

Late Tuesday night meetings turned into programming on the weekends for the Livingston community. Our most successful event was a 3 on 3 charity basketball tournament that raised hundreds of dollars for Rutgers Against Hunger. That’s where the real community was built and where Dana stepped up as a leader. Not only did we have 32+ basketball teams, we partnered with residence life, recruited and managed 20 volunteers, and she made sure all necessary sponsorships were secured.

Leading up to graduation, Dana was a psychology major and had established a very nice resume by building a set of leadership skills for herself and becoming president of our council. So much so, that she started to have reservations about “going into” the psychology field. Of course after some long conversations, some tears, and some confidence boosting, she decided to pursue a Graduate Assistantship and attended the NIRSA national conference in the spring of 2010.

Dana did everything she was supposed to do - had a strong resume, great GPA, dressed professionally, interviewed well, and had a personal touch. However, she came home empty handed - no assistantship and no admittance into a graduate program.

She did do something right - before she boarded the plane to the conference she struck up a conversation with someone wearing a Cornell sweatshirt. That person was headed to the conference and helped put her in touch with someone from Old Dominion and while she was at the conference she secured an interview for the facilities position.

Even though she came up short, she made an impression just like I did when I interviewed at Rutgers. April came and went. So did May. She graduated thinking “the world was about to end” because she didn’t have anything lined up. After some more tears in my office, I told to keep her head up, keep networking and something will come. Sure enough, a week after graduation, she interviewed and landed a job as the marketing GA at Old Dominion from a connection she made at the conference.

Talk about about timing and waiting for the right opportunity. This just didn’t turn out to be a graduate assistantship.

Let me really break down what came from this:

- Dana was able to help out on one of the outdoor adventure trips and travel to Peru.

- She was accepted to travel to China as part of a student affairs exchange program.

- From the exchange program she met the Old Dominion’s president’s wife and basically became besties with the family where she spent Easter with them.

- Lastly, her director was the upcoming NIRSA president which would open up a ton of doors.

Plus, she lived 10 minutes from Virginia Beach while earning a masters degree. Not a bad deal while building her personal brand even more above what she accomplished at Rutgers.

All of the hard work and emotions of “finding your niche” started to pay off. I knew Dana was going to become a great professional regardless of the field she entered, so I invited her to present with me a second time at the Region 1 Student Lead-on at Syracuse University. This time it wasn’t about group dynamics or leadership, it was about standing out, remaining patient, and to take advantage of every opportunity that is put in front of you.

Now with a masters degree in hand, several life experiences later and becoming a responsible, independent adult, Dana is the Membership & Marketing Director for the YMCA in Wayne Hills - the largest YMCA in the state.

What they taught me:

First of all, Dana taught me that hard work does pay off. Even though her story has a few bumps in the road, she kept pushing herself. I also learned that my advice, mentoring, and in reality, counseling, was helping. Not just Dana, but a several others. This is why I want to use my skills of connecting, finding one's passion, and helping them standout; and spread it as far as it can go.

How they inspired me:

This council I was charged to build was volunteer on my part and the students part. This has been one of the most rewarding initiatives of my career at Rutgers. Dana, Tara, and Carlos are now some of my best friends I see regularly. They saw my vision, believed in me, and wanted to make a difference. They all made a difference not only for the community, but to me as I try to grow out my next vision.

#Nichetip:

When an opportunity is put in front of you, take it, trust it, and give it all you have.

Day 13 - Taking Advantage of an Opportunity

I started at Rutgers in August 2008 and I thought I would be a small fish in a big pond. However, like I mentioned in my post yesterday, my boss Paul Fischbach did a great job of helping me network and meet co-workers outside of our department. Coincidentally, it also helped that Courtney started working in Student Life a month prior. I took every opportunity to grow my network and enhance my professional development by attending workshops and events to meet other student affairs colleagues.

A few months into my new job, I met Avani Rana who was in charge of the student leadership for Student Life. I had shared my leadership background and the initiatives I helped create at Centenary College and we quickly connected to see how I could help her out and represent our department. That spring semester Avani invited me to sit on the Rising Leaders committee and I was able to offer a module on communication during the 13-week program for first year students.

This was not only a great avenue to meet new students and represent the Recreation department, but this also fulfilled my desire to present and engage students in leadership. A year later, I remained on the Rising Leaders committee with other deans and student affairs colleagues and Avani recruited me to help out with their weekend retreat in January. Over the next few semesters I was given the opportunity to help with retreats, present workshops on group dynamics, communication, and public speaking.

Avani also planned a leadership conference every March and recruited me to present in 2009 and 2010. However, in 2010 I decided to invite one of our student leaders, Dana Wise, to co-present with me to give her practice speaking in front of her peers. We ran a workshop for other students leaders on group dynamics and being a leader even if you’re not in a leadership position.

Remember that post I wrote about attending my first NIRSA conference? Well, I stayed involved with NIRSA and became the State Director in 2011. As the representative for NIRSA I sat on various committees and helped plan the student lead-on for Region 1 at Syracuse University. Not only was this a “pay-it-forward” type of act, but I truly wanted to help students and connect them with the right professionals just like Jess Ward did for me. That’s how professional development works, you get involved as a new professional, start to carve out your niche, and then you help others find their niche.

Every year since I started at Rutgers, I had the pleasure of working with great students that were thriving in their roles with recreation, in student leadership, and NIRSA. There was something I started to observe. I started to notice that these great students were thriving in college and then after graduation, many of them struggled with being fulfilled and happy in their new post-graduation lives.

The conversations of “I think I chose the wrong major” and “I shouldn’t have decided to enroll in this masters program” or “I am bored with my job” was far too common. I would put the counselor/therapy hat back on and point them in the right direction.

Ultimately, it was these 3-4 years, that my calling to help students stand-out and give them “real-world” skills to succeed after graduation, started to become more and more important to my ‘why’ (why meaning, why I got up every morning). This was especially true when it came to pointing them in the direction to a more fulfilled life.

My initial conversations with Avani and ultimately that connection led to a realization that I could engage an audience of 50-100+ students. I was inching closer and closer to finding my niche.

What they taught me:

At the time I started at Rutgers, I was a bit nervous to be working at such a large institution. However, I learned how important outreach and exposure can be. Between the help of networking from my boss, Paul, and Avani continually inviting me to help out, I quickly established a name for myself based on my talents and skills.

How they inspire me:

The moments I have been able to run workshops, facilitate team buildings at retreats, and present to large groups has been invaluable to my work with the Niche Movement. Avani is one of many colleagues that valued the opportunity to give more people the chance to present and interact with other colleagues. This inspires me to ensure that I pay it forward and provide opportunities for young professionals to present to my students.

#Nichetip:

Early on in your career, take advantage of the committees or workgroups available for you to participate in, especially if you are passionate about it. At times it may feel like extra work, but in the long run it just may bring you closer to finding your niche.

Day 12 - Build Your Network Before You Need It

While working at Centenary College from 2006-2008 I worked hard to build a foundation to build a Recreation department rather than just the intramurals programming I was hired for. When I started, the college had a new gymnasium and recreation center under construction but vision was to offer open recreation, intramural programming, trips and special events. Outside of my colleagues, I needed some help.

After doing some research, I came across NIRSA (National Intramural Recreation Sports Association), the professional development and governing body of collegiate Recreation professionals. Luckily, in February of 2007, I discovered Rutgers University was hosting a NJ NIRSA State Workshop. I registered myself and five of our student employees and this was the start of my professional involvement in NIRSA. I met several colleagues like Diana Clauss from Rider, Jess Ward from Rutgers, and John Mazurri from Stevens Tech.

Less than a year later I attended the Region 1 conference in Ithaca, NY where I brought four of our student leaders who were really interested in going into campus recreation. We got up there early to attend the pre-conference Student Lead-On portion, and I had registered all of us for the mentor-mentee program. Even though I was a professional staff, I wanted a chance to meet some other colleagues so I was excited to participate as well. That afternoon I found out I was paired with Jess Ward, the Intramural Coordinator at Rutgers.

Jess’ welcoming personality and genuine effort to introduce me to other RU alumni that were now in the field and other intramural professionals up and down the east coast has been invaluable to my career. I decided at that conference to volunteer and join a committee to help carry out the 2008 state workshop at Rider University. I had a chance to work with Jess and some other great colleagues while presenting my first workshop. At this point, I was continuing to grow our programming at Centenary while growing my network.

A short time later, I reached out to Jess about an open position within Rutgers Recreation. I applied to the job in December of 2007 but didn’t hear anything until May 2008 when I was invited for an interview for the Special Events position. It turns out, after talking with Jess, she kept me in mind and helped get my resume to the top. Long story short, I interviewed and didn’t get the position. It was ok - I got some experience and got my foot in the door meeting more professionals.

I was sure to send thank you notes to everyone I met and a few months later, I was told there was an opening for Intramural Coordinator. It turns out this was Jess’s position as she was leaving to work at Princeton University. When she was leaving, she was asked if she knew of any candidates she would recommend and she brought my name up again to her boss Paul Fischbach.

That saying, “everything happens for a reason” may be a cliche, but I went on two interviews and landed a job in August 2008 at Rutgers Recreation as their Intramural Coordinator. I owe a sincere thanks to Jess Ward for always helping me out. I remember the day I accepted, my new boss Paul called me that Friday evening to welcome me aboard - a nice gesture I still think about today.

Paul has had an influential role in helping me find my niche as he shares the same values in student development. He always looked out for me and to this day he still introduces me to anyone he knows at Rutgers. Even though I was working as the Intramural Coordinator it was an avenue to facilitate student leadership, development and offer innovative programming to the university population. Paul gave me the opportunity to be hands-on and foster a community on the Livingston campus.

Taking this job and leap into a large public university and department has been one of the best transitions that set up the next few posts in my series.

How They Inspired Me:

In this new role at Rutgers, I was able to combine my passions of programming and development with my knowledge of leadership to facilitate a community where college students could learn real-world skills. Paul always said that we helped develop and bring students together and that recreation just got in the way.

What They Taught Me:

The one thing I learned from both Paul and Jess is to always have a caring and genuine personality and help be a connector.

#NicheTip:

Take advantage of mentor-mentee programs, and professional development opportunities. Rutgers University gets about 200-250 applicants per job opening in the student affairs division. If you don’t know someone it can be very difficult to get your foot in the door. That being said, don’t just network to network. My relationship with Jess wasn’t around getting some job, it was about learning how to build my program at Centenary bigger and better. Authenticity and integrity when connecting with others is critical.

Day 11 - Make Time for the Most Important People Around You

My grandparents, Joan and Ernie DeGraw (married on March 4th, 1956), have been the two most inspirational people in my life next to my mom and dad.  From the minute I was born, I had their full attention, love, and support. For me, being an only child certainly had its perks when I was around Gram and Pa. I can recall my fondest memories started with every Wednesday and Saturday I spent with them growing up.

Wednesdays were days I spent with my Gram. She would pick me up from school, we would head to Mcdonalds, and then if it was nice out, we would head to the park spending countless hours playing on the playground or riding my bike. There was never a time my gram got sick of pushing me on the swing, following me around on my bike or hurrying me up to go home. She wouldn’t call it quits until I was ready to call it a day.

Saturday mornings were for my Pa and I. When I was younger he generally came up to our house to visit and have coffee as part of his weekend ritual. It wasn’t until I learned to use the phone that some Saturday’s he would show up unexpectedly and my parents would wonder why he was there. It turns out, I would call him without my parents knowing and ask him to come pick me up and take me down to their house for the day. Saturday mornings led to Saturday evenings where I wound up staying over their house. During the weekends, I spent at my grandparents, I would go hand in hand with my Pa to the hardware store, visit my Gram at the grocery store, help him clean their pool, and listen to Yankee games on the radio.

Growing up my grandparents were not retired, and still worked very hard. Today, this shows me even more that they cherished their time with our family even more.

My grandmother worked part-time at Grand Union (now Stop and Shop) as a cashier and my grandfather worked as a boiler operator working with various chemicals and mixtures like vanilla extract, mustard, and molasses. He had a very strong work ethic and saved every penny he could for his family. There was one time that he had to work in Maryland so he could reach his retirement. He would work Monday-Friday and come home Friday-Sunday for six months to be with my grandmother and his family.

When it was time for me to go to college, my grandparents were so excited. I was the first one on this side of the family to go away to college. They wanted to do whatever it took for me to succeed. Weeks before I left, my grandfather took me out to purchase a new computer to take to college. When it was time to move in, he was right there with me carrying boxes into the first floor of Hamilton at FDU.

One of the best parts of college: one Wednesday a month was set aside for my grandparents. They would come down with a case of water and food and when I started dating Courtney sophomore year, they would take us out to lunch at the diner in town.

My grandparents are the two most selfless people I know and have helped me in so many ways get to where I am today. Unfortunately, in January 2006 going into my last semester at college, my grandfather passed away. This was by far the most upsetting time for me, but believe it or not, his passing fueled me to leave even a greater legacy at FDU. The sacrifices I made, especially the long days and Friday afternoons planning our Habitat for Humanity trip, my Pa was in the back of mind. Thinking about his work ethic, his selflessness, and jovial personality, got me through the last semester in college.

Today, my Gram being the strong woman she is, has still been there for me. I have never seen her more proud than when I completed my masters degree, then when I got married, and now turning my passion into a reality. At 78 years old, she still works a few days a week at Stop and Shop, she cuts her own grass and shovels her own driveway. She also walks twice a day - Beyonce would definitely call her flawless...if she knew her. By the way, now that my cousin Leah is in college, she goes down to TCNJ with my Aunt and Uncle to keep the tradition alive and take her out to lunch.

The visits that my grandparents and I had growing up instilled in me the value of making time for the important people around you, especially face to face visits. As we get older our lives begin to move faster and faster and technology sometimes hides us behind a device. As I carve out my niche, it is a priority and value of mine to spend time face to face with my closest family and friends.

How they inspired me:

I look at the relationship my grandparents had and I strive for that everyday with Courtney and I. They worked hard while never complaining, enjoyed the every moment with their friends and family, and remained humble as they helped the people around them.

What they taught me:

My grandparents taught me a lot, specifically, to save your money but live in the present and not become too frugal. See, once a year (sometimes twice a year) they would take a cruise with their friends, visit Wildwood every September, and take our family on day trips to various parts of New Jersey. They showed me how to live life to the fullest.

#NicheTip:

Dedicate time at least once a month to visit with the people that mean the most to you.